For Grieving Families

To the Families of those lost at Sandy Hook:

First, let me tell you how saddened I am by your losses.  I too lost a child at a young age 25 years ago. The pain I felt was so deep that it is hard to explain to someone who has not experienced it.  I have since lost both parents, but losing them does not compare to the loss of a child.  Someone once told me that when you lose a parent, you lose a part of your past, but when you lose a child, you lose a part of your future.

If I could give you any advice during this time, it is that you will eventually be able to enjoy life again.  I know you do not believe this now, but one day you will wake up and it won’t hurt to laugh.  Give yourself time to grieve; getting through the process can take a long time, with a lot of ups and downs.  Remember your family/spouse is grieving too, so they will probably not be able to support you; find a friend who will be there for you.  Everyone grieves differently, so don’t be surprised if your spouse is not reacting the way you do.

The holidays will be a difficult time for you, as will future holidays, birthdays, and anniversaries.  Tackle each event one day at a time.  I used to say to myself “it is only 24 hours and I can get through it”.  Eventually you will celebrate these days again.

The last thing I would like to say is that people will say things that may be hurtful.  They do not mean to hurt you; they just don’t know what to say and want to say something.  They have no idea what you are going through; they can only imagine.  You will find that there are hundreds of kind people who only want to help you.

I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

JoAnn Calvert, Maryland